Monday, January 30, 2012

The 911 call

In the 2 1/2 years since Aiden's death I have had dozens of nightmares that my children are hurt or in danger and when I try to call 911, I can't. I push the buttons on the phone and either I push the wrong numbers or the phone just doesn't work. A feeling of complete helplessness.

As soon as the 911 operator answered I yelled into the phone, "My baby is dead, get here now!" She asked for my address which I gave her and I told her I lived in Morningside Heights, right next to the jail. She asked me if he was breathing, I said (actually I screamed) no, he is cold and grey and dead! I don't really remember what else I said while on the phone with her, but I know there were alot of "OH MY FUCKING GOD, WHY AREN'T THEY HERE YET, FUCKING HELP ME!"

She did a good job getting me to calm down from time to time so I could start CPR. She told me to cover his mouth and nose with my mouth and blow. My first attempt was unsuccessful and it made a noise like I was blowing on his stomach. She told me to put the phone down and then I was able to do it. The air blew right back out in a very unnatural way. It's hard to describe, but its a sound I will never forget. I continued with chest compressions and breathing while Rosalie sat next to Aiden holding his hand and telling him to wake up. Aaron was in the doorway sobbing.

According to the police report it took the first two BC Sheriffs less than 2 minutes to get to my house, but it felt like forever. The 911 operator told me they were entering the house and I told Aaron to go meet them, but they were already in the hallway. I made eye contact with one of them and yelled "HELP ME!". They entered the room and told me to go out in the living room. One of the officers started CPR and the other carried Rosalie, naked, and set her on the couch, then ran to his car to get his AED.

Rosalie and Aaron sat on the couch in shock watching me scream and sob hysterically. I must have collapsed onto the floor because i remember an officer picking me up off the living room floor and again off my driveway.